she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
