it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
