what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
