I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm both gender and math confused
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
