I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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