I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
