Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
