please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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