I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
