I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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