Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
