So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
