you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
