drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
