I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
