i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
