Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
