I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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