If that was your dad, he is hot
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
