No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
