yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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