someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize