I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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