she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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