I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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