i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
