3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am available for nakedness
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
