fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
