The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
