Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
