she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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