hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
