I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
