i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
