trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
