my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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