I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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