Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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