god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
