Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
