when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
