WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
pop tarts are not kleenex
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
