So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
