Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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