I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
