and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
