Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
