it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
