he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
