girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
