even my farts smell like vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize