I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
