i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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