i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
