I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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