I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
