when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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