I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
