i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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