you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I die, sorry about rent.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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