Where did you get a picture of my penis
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A+ Viking dick
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
