My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
