thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
