My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize