dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
