I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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