Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
