There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
