Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
