dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
